Welcome to Sunset Weekly
Sunset Weekly is an online discussion group aimed at building a community of people curious about how to live life fully, intentionally, and meaningfully through the lens of death and dying.
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Sunset weekly details
Offered weekly.
One hour long, with additional time afterwards for open discussion if desired.
Drop in when it works for you.
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Discussions are not recorded to protect privacy.
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I aim to offer topics that are relevant, engaging, and meaningful. Contact me with requests.
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MAY at Sunset Circle:
DEATH DENIAL
We are all going to die.
This is terrifying. As humans, we have the painful, existentially terrifying awareness that we will, at some point in time, die. If we carried this deeply anxiety-provoking understanding around with us all day every day, we would be unable to function. What do we do with this consciousness?
It has been said that we live in a death-denying culture. In 1973, cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker wrote Pulitzer Prize-winning The Denial of Death. It became the foundational work for psychology’s Terror Management Theory (TMT) and a seminal work in the investigation of death anxiety. In the book’s forward written by Sam Keen, who conducted the final interview with the anthropologist, he quotes Becker: “This is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a name, consciousness of self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating inner yearning for life and self-expression- and with all this yet to die.”
Becker suggests that the terror of death is so overwhelming that we simply cannot keep it in our consciousness. The fear of being forgotten, of having wasted this life, of not having created something of worth runs deep. To keep the fear unconscious and outside of our moment-to-moment awareness, Becker and TMT suggest we develop buffers to protect us from the paralyzing truth: we make or find meaning in our lives, we accumulate wealth, we accomplish feats, we become part of social and religious groups or movements in an effort to assure ourselves that our lives have been worthwhile and meaningful and that we will be remembered. Some of these buffers do more harm than good:
We can see examples of death denial everywhere. We use euphemisms to avoid saying the words “death” and “dying”- even the word “hospice” is said in a whisper. The healthcare system treats death as a failure and therefore does not allow it to be a possibility with patients unless it is a necessary part of a conversation about liability or risk. When people are grieving, we say things like, “At least they are in a better place”, which still denies the reality that dying is the required step to get to said better place. To many, talking about anything related to death is considered morbid, dark, and depressing.
Death denial is a theory, not fact. You may have plenty of counter examples- where do you find that people are eager to engage in conversations about death? Where do you see people living fully as a result of a complete awareness of their mortality? What about cultures and philosophies that openly practice death? People who do death-defying hobbies?
Death denial in and of itself is not a “bad” thing. It does not make us bad people to set our mortality aside so that we can get through the day and have relationships and build a house. Recognizing death denial and the countless ways it shows up is an opportunity to face our fears, to see the ways in which we buffer ourselves from the reality, to investigate our motives and beliefs.
This month, we investigate death denial in its many forms: academically, experientially, dignity therapy, and whether there are other ways we handle our fear about death.
Sunset Weekly is offered on a drop-in, give-what-you-can basis. You are welcome to join anytime. First time is free!
may 7, 2025
death denial: Is it Everywhere?
Denying death does not make it go away
5pm PST/ 6pm MST/ 7pm CST/ 8pm EST.
Sunset Weekly is offered on a give-what-you-can basis.
We begin the month with an in-depth discussion of the theme: death denial. Death denial is founded on the idea that there exists within us a terrifying awareness that we are going to die. This terror is so intense that it would be impossible to move through our lives without buffering ourselves from it. Where do you see examples of death denial? Where do you see death acceptance? How do you protect yourself from this awareness or death? How does death denial show up in your life?
Ask yourself: How do I buffer myself from fears of death? Is this healthy – do I sometimes take this to an extreme in ways that are harmful?
Ask another: What are ways you in which you see people avoiding their mortality? What are ways in which you see people open to exploring their mortality?
Register for access to an optional article (and long video, if desired) and the Zoom link to join.
may 14, 2025
Death Denial at the End of Life
With special guest Connie Riley, M.A.
5pm PST/ 6pm MST/ 7pm CST/ 8pm EST.
Sunset Weekly is offered on a give-what-you-can basis.
If death denial as a theory rings true throughout life, and we spend our lives buffering ourselves from the reality that we will die, what does this look like at the end of life, when mortality is ever-present? What does death denial look like when we can observe it in others, up close, at the end of life? This week, join special guest Connie Riley, M.A., program director of Jerry’s House, a social model hospice program in Monterey, CA, as she shares her personal experience with death denial in her extensive work in end-of-life care.
More About Connie:
Connie Riley, M.A., is the Program Manager for Jerry’s Place, a social model hospice program with the Jerry Rubin Foundation For Cancer Care. Whether working in the field of education, massage and bodywork or in her work with the dying, her goal is the same: to cultivate compassion, self-awareness, and greater acceptance and joy. A native Delawarean, Connie has lived on the Monterey Peninsula for almost 20 years with her husband, 2 daughters and two dogs. Connie loves being outdoors, learning about all different kinds of things and finding ways and time to enjoy life!
Ask yourself and another: Is it different to experience death denial in yourself and witness it in others?
Register for access to an optional article and the Zoom link to join.
may 21, 2025
Death denial, dignity therapy, and meaning- making
How can meaning and dignity mitigate death anxiety?
5pm PST/ 6pm MST/ 7pm CST/ 8pm EST.
Sunset Weekly is offered on a give-what-you-can basis.
In order to protect ourselves from the unsettling awareness of our own mortality, we create buffers that enable us to get through the day. One such way is to find - or make- meaning in various aspects of our lives. Dignity Therapy is a modality that provides those at the end of their lives with the opportunity to share the moments, thoughts, ideas and events that shaped their lives, revealing what matters most to them and what they want to leave behind. What elements of Dignity Therapy can we practice now to find meaning in our lives, and might that have an impact on our fears surrounding dying?
Ask yourself: When did you feel most alive? How does it feel to reflect on these times of your life?
Ask another: What are your hopes and dreams for your loved ones after you die?
Register for access to an optional article and the Zoom link to join.
may 28, 2025
Death Denial, Defiance, or Management?
How do you handle death anxiety?
5pm PST/ 6pm MST/ 7pm CST/ 8pm EST.
Sunset Weekly is offered on a give-what-you-can basis.
To deny death is to expend energy (consciously and unconsciously) avoiding the pain of its presence, its reality, its inevitability. While there might be a wealth of evidence that supports the theory of death denial, there is also evidence that challenges it. People make careers out of death-defying stunts, looking death straight in the eye. Then there is a scholar who suggests that many take up behaviors that manage fears of death by controlling factors of the timing of death, like making healthy food choices and exercising. There are plenty of people who spend time practicing dying, discussing it, and preparing for it in order to consciously address fears surrounding mortality. Should this, then, be considered death management rather than denial or defiance? How do you relate to your awareness of mortality?
Ask yourself: When did you feel most alive? How does it feel to reflect on these times of your life?
Ask another: What are your hopes and dreams for your loved ones after you die?
Register for access to an optional article and the Zoom link to join.
Take a peek at our favorite past discussion topics
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Why the loneliness epidemic matters to us all, particularly in the end-of-life realm.
Loneliness has long been linked to adverse effects on physical and mental health. Covid and the subsequent social isolation experienced by many seemed to draw more attention to loneliness as a widespread issue as people hunkered down and had limited in-real-life interactions. However, even as Covid restrictions lifted and people resumed social activities, loneliness has persisted and is now what the U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has described as “an epidemic on par with tobacco use”, impacting 1 in 2 American adults. (1 in 2!!)**. And, like tobacco use, loneliness can come with long-term consequences.
The intensity and impacts of loneliness can vary according to factors such as age, social support, and geographical location. However, in a time of growing social isolation, whether fleeting or long-standing, loneliness is something that most have experienced at some point. In fact, loneliness has been identified as a major concern for people of all age groups, impacting physical health, psychological wellbeing, quality of life, and life expectancy.
Loneliness impacts people across the lifespan and is worthy of attention at any age. Why might being on alert for loneliness be of particular importance at the end of life? How can we proactively mitigate the risks and consequences of loneliness both now and the end of life- for ourselves and others? Dr. Vivek Murthy, quoted above, states that “the antidote [to loneliness]… is human connection”**. How do YOU work with loneliness?
The topic might sound grim - especially in contrast to the bright, colorful warmth of bustling summer- but just like when we talk about death, there is space for holding it all at once. A conversation about death can be dark and 'depressing', but also full of joy and aliveness. As such, a conversation about loneliness is not just about loneliness, but also joy, social connection, and togetherness. So, come join the community discussion and see what unfolds.
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In order to understand Elderhood, we must understand aging and how it is viewed, approached, and 'treated' in our culture (wrinkles?? Gasp- no! But elephants make them look good, so why shouldn't we?). Aging at one point in time was actually viewed as a disease in and of itself (!). How has aging been defined and treated historically in medicine and society, and how does this impact us today? By failing to acknowledge differences in age groups, we risk mis-identifying each one’s unique needs, desires, risks, and benefits. (For example, blood pressure medications have different effects in a young adult compared to an elder). Gerontology is a growing interdisciplinary approach to caring for the social, medical, and psychological needs of older people in an effort to promote quality of life and well-being. (Geriatrics are specifically medically-focused). What does a focus on health rather than medicine do for patients? How can we integrate this understanding into our own care to advocate for ourselves and those we care for?
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The senses are one way that we experience, connect with, and communicate with the world. What is your relationship to each sense?
This week we explore life and death through the five senses beginning with a mindfulness practice. What is your relationship to the sense of sight? sound? smell? taste? touch? Are these senses intact? Do you have other senses to add to this list? Do certain senses seem diminished or enhanced to you regularly or in different situations? Our senses, whether we have 3 or 6, provide us with input from our environment, giving us information about safety, social connections, incoming pleasure or pain, and more. Tuning into our senses is a way to practice presence, but it can also provide insight into how we might make choices or adjustments to sensory input from our environment at different times in our lives or at the end of our lives to create an optimal environment.
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An important element in how we view death is our beliefs of what happens afterwards. What is your answer to this big question? Why? Is yours an answer that is rooted in spirituality? Science? Personal experience? How open are you to possibilities? Those who believe in reincarnation might approach life a bit differently than those who believe that once we die, it is all over. How do your beliefs inform how you move about this world? How do your beliefs about life after death tell you about your beliefs about life right now?
"A good conversation goes a long way."
Diane Rehm, "When My Time Comes"